My World

Ever since I was a little girl the one constant in my life was the love I felt towards my grandfather. He was always there for me when I needed him and he taught me most of what I know today. He's the man who taught me wrong from right. He's the man who taught me how to drive. He's the man who made me who I am today. If it wasn't for him I don't know who I'd be today. He's literally my world, my everything, my hero, my role model. I could write a novel about all the times we spent together. Whether it was riding the lawn mower on his lap as a kid or even driving home from the race track with him each summer. I learned to never take any single moment for granted because it can be your last. While I spent my first year away from home I know he was proud of me but something in him didn't want me to leave. He would call me once a week to check up on me and make me fill him in on everything. I knew thanksgiving was his favorite holiday so I planned a surprise trip back home to NY. He has no idea I was coming until I walked through the door on thanksgiving. The smile on his face was priceless. He looked at my mom and said "is this real?" He pulled me into his arms and wouldn't let go. He made me sit next to him at the head of the table and he talked my ear off. It was honestly the happiest I had ever seen him. He had been fighting cancer for years but he's always pulled through. He was a very strong man. My mom called me right before I came home for the summer and told me he was very sick and had been in and out of the hospital. My heart sank. And at that very moment I knew I had to get home as soon as possible. My one goal was to make it home for my birthday because I had never missed spending a birthday with him. My father made sure I was home on time. I drove over to his house on my birthday and he was laying on the couch in the front room and could barely move. I talked to him about school and how things were going. What my plans for the summer were and was just talked about how proud he was of me and how much he loved me. Little did I know this would be my last birthday with him, and my last full conversation... My grandma said after I left how happy he was and how he hadn't been like that in weeks. She said I make him so proud and how much he adores me. A couple mornings later my mom comes into my room at about 5am and wakes me up crying and told me "something happened to poppy last night?" I knew what she meant... He was gone and now my world was crashing down around me. Why me? Why did everything have to happen to me? Am I really that strong? I felt like I was losing everything. When it came time for his wake I felt like I couldn't say goodbye to him.. And that none of this was real.. Seeing him laying there motionless and cold was the worst thing I've ever had to see (next to when my cousin passed away) I couldn't imagine not having him simply be a phone call away.. After the wake was over before the closed the casket I asked if I could have a few minutes alone with him. As I knelt next to him balling my eyes out I expressed how much I loved him and how he was my world. How I didn't know how I was gonna do it without him. He was my go to person. I told him how I was going to finish college and make him proud. And even though he couldn't physically be at my wedding which is something I've always dreamt about I knew he'd be there in spirit when that day came.. As I started walking out of the room I looked back and said "this isn't goodbye poppy this is an I'll see you later, I love you" my grandma pulled me in and wrapped her arms around me and said "he loves you dee dee, you were his world. He loved you more than life itself and would do anything for you. Just know he is with you wherever you go" those words have stuck in my head since that day. And to this day not a day goes by where I don't think of him. It's only been seven months since he left yet it feels like forever.. I went and got a tattoo on my right wrist that says "Papa" in my grandmas handwriting which is what I used to call him when I was little.. I got it on my right wrist because he's my right hand man and gives me the strength to move forward. And now when I shake someone's hand he's right there with me. He is the best grandfather a girl could ever ask for and no one will ever be able to take his place. He I'll forever be my world and I will love him till the end of time. I know he's my guardian angel up in heaven along with my cousin Noelle. I have the two best gaurdian angels..