January 11, 2012

I figured that since I am opening up I mine as well share something a little bit personal. My cousin was killed in a car accident on January 7, 2012 at 10:35pm. She was the passenger in the vehicle... Waking up to news that this happened was one of the hardest mornings i've ever had. For her funeral I had the opportunity to write something and read it to everyone who attended. While reading it I was an emotional wreck but luckily I have it written down and saved, and I am now finally ready after almost two years to share it. This is something that is close to my heart. 

"For Noelle"

I don't know where to begin and I don't know how to express how much Noelle means to me. I have spent my entire life with her. I was born seven months before her, and I always held that against her when she played the "i'm taller" card. We have so many fond memories together that I am always going to remember and keep close to me. When my parents told me what happened to her it didn't seem real. I was in shock that my baby cousin had passed away. I had always imagined us graduating high school and going to college together, both getting married, but me having the kids since she told me she didn't want any so that she could take them and be the aunt who spoiled them. I imagined spending my whole life with her. She doubled up with her classes this year so that she would be able to graduate with me. She was always smarter than me, so I knew she could do it. I had the opportunity to spend New Years Eve with her, even though we went to sleep before 10pm. I wouldn't take that moment away for anything. New Years Day she woke up early and tried not to wake me, but that didn't work out too well. She was dedicated to her horses...they were her life and symbolized who she was as a person. She would do anything for her horses. She was as most people who knew her "a horse whisperer." She knew just what to do to get them to do just what she needed of them. Her scholarship to Post University was the best thing that could have ever happened to her. I know Noelle would not want us to be sad, she would want us to be smiling and talking about all the amazing memories we have made with her, the ups and downs included. She was enthusiastic about life and that's how she would want us to be. She never gave up on anything she set her mind to, I plan to do the same. I think she would want everybody to have the same determination. I don't want anyone to tell her "goodbye," I want this to be an "I'll see you later." This isn't forever, it's only for now. I was on the computer the other day looking through music so that I could find a song that would mean something to me, and explain how I feel about Noelle. I found "You Will Never Be Forgotten" by Jessica Andrews. It says "Goodbye is just a word that I will never say, you will never be forgotten, a million days could pass us by, but what is time but just a dream, I still feel you here with me, you're more than just a memory, you will never be forgotten." So never let the memories fade away, and always remember the little things because they will last a lifetime. I will always love Noelle, I will miss her dearly, and she will never be forgotten.