Lately I have been having a very rough time with college. I've basically been at the point where I started having panic attacks and it makes it difficult for me to attend classes. I've already missed classes and it's only the second week in. That's not a good start. I am kinda just completely over college. I just want to be happy and i'm not even close to that when i'm in school. I've been going to school my whole life, and now I am ready to start my life. I am tired of feeling like a child. I just wanna grow up. I know people say you shouldn't rush your life, and i'll regret it, but I honestly don't think I will.
Waking up and forcing myself to go to classes is one of the hardest things for me to do. I am ready for the next step. I am ready to start a full time job and not have to worry about schooling. I am miserable in school, I'd rather wake up and go to work and earn money for the hard work I put in and make a life for myself. I just want to be happy. That is truly all it is. I just wanna make myself happy and I realize that with that choice I may disappoint many people, but at the end of the day who's the one that has to come home and feel like they wasted time. Not them...but me.
I have really been re-thinking this whole college thing, as bad as that may sound. I have considered either completely dropping out and just starting a full time job, or starting a full time job while taking a few online classes in order to earn an Associates Degree. My college I am attending now doesn't offer Associates Degrees, and I think that's the hardest part. If it did i'd be done at the end of the semester so i'd just suck it up and push through, but they don't and there is no way I am going to be able to force myself to go to school for another two years. I can barely push myself to finish this semester. I just don't want to disappoint anyone and I have a feeling if I make this choice that it will happen. I am the type of person who just wants to make everyone happy, and I put everyone else before myself. I can't imagine having anyone disappointed in me, but why should I keep forcing myself to do something that makes me completely miserable? And I guess that's why this decision is one that is going to be very difficult for me to make.
The lesson I have learned from all this re-thinking is that the right path isn't always the easy path. There are most definitely bumps in the road that i've had to overcome thus far and this one just so happens to be the largest. I still don't 100% know what I am going to do, but at the end of the day I wanna make a decision that's gonna make me happy.
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